The Dress III

All through that agonising fortnight I would wait expectantly for Sarah to return from her dress search. She would shake her head and flop down on the sofa. It was difficult observing from the sidelines and being unable to help . I couldn’t offer any advice nor could she give me any pointers.
Then one night – I don’t know how or why – I found myself flicking through magazines full of bridal gowns. It may even have been that magnificent periodical known as You and Your Wedding.
This act of solidarity with our marriage journey brought a strange reaction from Sarah. She walked in on me browsing through the mags and it stopped her dead in her tracks
“Tom, What are you doing looking a dresses?”
“Er, I just thought I’d see if I could help my love.” I licked the tip of my finger, gave a little sigh, and returned to my page flicking.
“Tom, is there something you want to tell me?
I put the journal down.
“Look, do you want me to help or not?” Sarah exited the room and after a short pause, during which I heard her groan under the weight of something heavy, returned with armfuls of glossy magazines that slipped and fell about her like a freshly caught haul of cod. She plopped down beside me and once again I was plastered in gorgeousness.
Then the flicking began in earnest. But it wasn’t a joint effort. I flicked, she stared. She looked at the image on the page then stared at my face for my reaction.
“What do you think of that one, and that one? What about that? And that?”
I felt like I was down the precinct going through mug shots as a detective waited for me to pick out my attacker. I looked up from magazine number three and recoiled slightly as Sarah’s glare bored into my eyes
“Why are you staring at me like that?”
The stare became darker “I’m not staring at you. “
“Well, you are.”
“I just value your opinion.”
“My opinion about dresses? How can you value it? I haven’t got an opinion. I don’t value your opinion about Everton’s midfield, do I?”
“You must know what you like? You have looked at enough
“Yes but after a while they all merge into one. It’s like that time we went all inclusive in Grand Canaria, after three days everything starts to taste the same. Well after a few hours these all start to look the same, you know what I mean?”
Sarah grabbed a publication so thick and heavy I had wondered if I might borrow it to do a mini home workout. She pointed at yet another svelte twenty one year old stunner adorned head to toe in silk
“Well what do you think of that tea length with the puddle train?”
“I’m not talking to you if you are going to speak in riddles.”
No, really? do you like it? Really?
Actually, no I don’t like it
Sarah’s face fell “Why? Why don’t you like it?”
Fearing I had said something terrible I did what all men do when faced with disappointed partner. I lied and backtracked.
“Well when I say I don’t like it I mean, that I have certain reservations, but it would look nice on you, probably. I mean she’s not got your figure, mind you, looking at her, neither has any other woman in Britain got her figure, er…” My pathetic dribblings ran into the sand.
“That’s fine. At least your being honest.
“Am I? I mean yes I am .”
The phone rang. I answered. It was Ella
“Has she told you what’s happened?
“She hasn’t told me anything. What?
“We’ve found the dress! Today in Liverpool! We found it! Can you believe it?”
“Oh, right. Well that’ good news. I got to go.”
I hung up. I turned to Sarah
“That was Ella, she said you found the dress.
“Yes we have, but now I’m panicking
“Why?
“Because I’m worried that you wont like it.
“I’m sure I will. What’s it like?
“I can’t tell you, can I?
“Well if you don’t tell me what it looks like I cant give an opinion. Is that why you’ve been staring at me?
“Yes, trying to gauge your reaction.
“And have I seen something similar to yours?
“Yes, just now.
“And what did I do?
“You shrivelled up your nose, like this.
“Did I? I don’t remember ?
“Well you did.
“I might have shrivelled up my nose because I was happy
“Don’t insult my intelligence. Oh Tom what am I going to do if you don’t like it?
I made a mental note -Tom, next time you look at your favourite BMW in a car mag, shrivel up your nose.
“Don’t worry. It will be fine. How did you know it was the one for you?
“It was obvious really. Because of what Ella did.
“And what on earth was it that Ella did?
“Well let me tell you…..

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