Thoughts on a Wedding Day

After ruminating on the day as a whole, if I had any advice to anyone contemplating getting hitched it would be this…..
Be ruthless with those around you, those closest to you. If you get the feeling that someone is not completely on board, get rid. Now this may only have to be a temporary de-friending until post wedding normality is resumed, but never a truer word was said than you find out who your friends are at your wedding. Genuine people, like cream, rise to the top whereas those who are not, curdle.
Don’t go mad with a cake, nobody gives it a seconds thought. I didn’t even get a taste.
Make sure you get someone to video as much as possible, even if it’s just with an iPhone. Delegate some one with that task and tell them to keep it running, you never know what you will pick up. When you run it back after it’s all over, you can check out who in the crowd is smiling and who has a face like a slapped arse.
If you’re having a buffet, make sure someone gets the bride a plate of food.
And above all, choose your Maid of Honour very, VERY carefully. Don’t plump for a sister or a best friend just because you think they will be thrilled. Think about it. Factor in their own jealousy, laziness, busy lives etc, Sarah picked Debi and she was her Champion, her granite, her north and south, east and west.
Get it right, she can be an amazing asset, get it wrong and it can ruin a friendship and possibly the day itself.
Don’t get married in a church. You can’t play the music you want and very often the photographer can’t get his shots because the font or The Virgin Mary is in the way. It’s not too bad in a Church of England place of worship if you get a trendy vicar ( and because nobody really believes of any of it now) but the Catholic Church is a complete pain- all burning handbags, terrible hymns and an old bearded virgin in a frock marries you off. Avoid.

Don’t have kids. We whittled ours down to just one and she behaved herself. If guests really want to attend they’ll find a way. One mate of mine with two toddlers played tag minder with his wife as they took turns entertaining them in their hotel room. He just didn’t want to miss our day and respected my wishes.
The problem with kids is they get bored, they wander everywhere and parents often don’t know how to keep them under control. And when they jabber on, Mummy or Daddy think everyone thinks it’s cute too – wrong!

Choose the dj carefully, I spoke to ours a few times and we had an understanding, he was great but of course if he’s shit you won’t know until it’s too late.
Get a band/wedding singer. Breaks up the night and if they’re any good, they get everyone up on the dance floor. Don’t get Cousin Billy and his Band ( don’t google them, I’ve just made that up) because Auntie Jane heard them at a barn dance and they sounded lovely, get professionals.

Don’t spend hours grinning next to your Granny while David Bailey checks his light meter. All those formal shots – fuck them off, they take up too much time and it bores your guests. Or if you must, just do the bare minimum. Get the snapper to just snap, and then you get pics like this.

Finally, just enjoy the day with your new spouse and don’t let yourself get dragged about, don’t get pushed into speaking to all the distant friends you half-know and will probably never see again. It’s your day, make the most of it.


4 thoughts on “Thoughts on a Wedding Day

  1. SaBiscuit

    Thanks for the practical advice. IF it happens for me, it’ll just be us, three chefs a stylist and the photog. I only know drama queens. So this is the safest bet. Keep it simple. I dare to dream.



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